Blog #10: "Dream Child; A Reverie" Thesis Statement Revision

Prompt: Carefully read the passage from “Dream Child; a Reverie,” paying special attention to descriptive details and sentence structure. Then, write an essay in which you analyze how Charles Lamb’s style contributes to his portrayal of his “dream children,” his grandmother, and his own childhood.

Original Thesis: Lamb utilizes repetition of simple words, such as good and religious; long, compound sentences; and allusions to the history and people of Norfolk to create a whimsical account of an otherwise average family for his children.  

ARGUMENT/FOCUS   

_No_ Does my thesis statement address each part of the essay question?

_No_ Is the point I'm making one that would generate discussion and argument, or is it one

that would leave people asking, “So what?"

_No_ Have I focused on an interesting contradiction, tension or paradox between two things?

Example: “Although the escalation of violence in John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men eventually results in two deaths, it is through violence that compassion is revealed when George, in a violent but merciful act, saves Lenny from cruel mob justice.”

_Yes_ Is my thesis too vague? Too general? Should I focus on some more specific aspect of my

topic?

_Yes_ Does my thesis deal directly with the topic at hand, or is it a declaration of my personal

feelings (“I think”/ “I feel” statements)?

LANGUAGE

_Yes_ Does my thesis indicate the direction of my argument? Does it suggest a structure for

my paper?

_No_ Is the language in my thesis vivid and clear? Have I structured my sentence so that the

important information is in the main clause? Have I used subordinate clauses to

house less important information? Have I used parallelism to show the relationship

between parts of my thesis? In short, is this thesis the very best sentence that it can be?

_Yes_ Is the thesis statement written as a complex sentence?

Revised Thesis: Charles Lamb utilizes repetition of simple words, such as good and religious; long, compound sentences; and allusions to the history and people of Norfolk to create a long history of his family that is perceived as nostalgia, but shows his guilt towards the death of his grandmother and her good name, and the innocence he forces upon his "dream children", that are caused by the regret he carries when faced with his own childhood.

For my thesis revision, I added the first name of the author of the passage.  I also addressed the thesis prompt, unlike my original thesis, by adding how the style of Charles Lamb relates to the portrayal of his childhood, his grandmother, and his children.  I reflected a complex idea in my revised thesis by comparing how Charles Lamb's direct writing and his style show contradicting portrayals of his family.